When people hear the word ‘Godfather’ they think of the movie staring Marlon Brando. I must admit, I do too mostly. To a lot of the world that’s all the word relates to. For Filipinos though, godparents are part of our heritage. We joke about how many pairs we have – most people have five – so 10 godparents in total, and that’s considered average. Priests that I’ve met understand that any Filipino child’s christening will have a crowd the size of a football team around the baptismal font.

Originally, the choice in godparents, who would be your child’s Ninong (godfather) and Ninang (godmother), was based on what they would be able to do for your child. Parents would pick important people in the community who could help their child when they were older - so not so different from The Godfather, the network that they would use to progress in life starting very early on. Today, I’d like to think that even if the numbers haven’t diminished our choice in godparent and the role they have in our children’s lives has changed.

I’m the second child in a two children family, so I kinda got stuck with the bad godparents. That’s not to say that my godparents are head of rival families or people who can be called upon to leave horse heads in beds if they won’t put me in a movie, in fact one of my godfathers is a leading Filipino businessman here in London with a thriving business. My godparents are bad in the sense that I don’t know them, and they don’t know me.

My sister got the godparents that my parents were actually, and still for the most part are, good friends with. I think that they all lived in the same building as my parents did in Earls Court – yes, we too started out in the most Filipino of areas in London, before they all migrated east towards Plaistow. I’m not entirely sure where my parents picked my godparents from.

Growing up I probably saw two of my Ninangs often. One of them lived in the north of England but she would always come down once or twice a year and sleep on our sofa. I never thought too much of it, she was just someone I called Ninang instead of auntie and who I was supposed to get better presents from at Christmas and on birthdays. The other one I probably stopped seeing after I was about nine when she moved (to east London of course). I may have seen her again once when I was in Earls Court, but I couldn’t be sure.

As for my godfathers, like I said, I have one who’s a pretty good businessman. The only reason I know this is because I remember seeing my Baptismal Certificate and reading his name and then seeing it in the newspaper and recognising it and asking my parents. I have a vague memory of a café near our house that I remember going to a lot when I was a kid, turns out that this was also his business. The only reason I know this is because my now best friend went to school with his son (my godbrother) and we figured it out once I heard his surname. The other ones I have no idea about.

My godparents have never played a big part in my life. I took to calling my sister’s godparents Ninang and Ninong just because it was easier and I saw them a lot more often. One or two of mine would show up every five or so years and I’d have to go over and say hello and tell them how I was doing in school. Sometimes I’d get some money out of it. That’s what my godparents were good for. These were the people who, if anything were to happen to my parents, were supposed to look after me.

That’s after all what godparents are supposed to be there for right? They’re charged with looking after you in place of your parents. I always thought that was even more important because we were growing up here in London away from my parents’ families. I got to see my blood relatives for a couple of weeks every other year. My godparents were supposed to be my parents’ closest friends that they would choose to raise their children if they couldn’t.

My sister and I used to decide who it was we were going to pick to be sponsors at our respective weddings as they’d be our godparents too. We also had to divide up our friends to see who would be godparents to our children. It was always harder because you never knew how many you were going to have and so you wanted to make sure they got an equal share of good godparents.

I decided that if I was going to be someone’s godparent I was going to do it properly. I wasn’t just going to be one that showed up every ten years at a random person’s party, or be just another name in a card that arrives a week after your birthday. I wanted to be present in my godchildren’s lives and for them to know who I was. In short, I wasn’t going to be the godparent I’ve had.

To date I have six godchildren, three boys and three girls. Almost every one of my friends has at least one godchild too. I can’t say that I am the godparent I want to be to all of them. The boys I’m particularly bad with. With Brandon, he definitely has third child syndrome. He’s my third godchild and also the third child in his family – so he doesn’t even get the bad godparents, he gets the ones that are left over after the bad godparents are gone. I don’t even do the birthday and Christmas cards with him. I show up at the landmark events – so far just his First Communion, wallet in hand.

Bryan I’m better with. He’s the first of my godchildren so he’s like my boy. Again though, I mainly help him with my wallet. Currently I’m putting him through college. I know that I’ll never be able to be that godparent he speaks to freely and actually enjoys spending time with. I know though that by putting him through school I’m giving the chance at opportunities he would not otherwise have.

With the girls I’m better, sometimes. Jaiden, I wish I was better with. She’s the child of one of my best friends, who – if it wasn’t for silly Filipino rules about godparents, was my first choice as godfather for my future kids. I’ve seen her only a handful of times, mostly on my birthday. Her dad even said that I’m becoming one of those godparents who only sees their godchild once a year. He says for now though that’s okay. When she starts to get older and she starts to be influenced more by the people she’s around, that’s when he wants me to be there more. Hopefully I will be.

Now Jessie; Jessie is the apple of my eye. I was there in the waiting room just after she’d been born. I was one of the first people to hold her and she has been the most precious part of my world ever since. There is no problem that I cannot put to the back of my mind when I’m with her. I don’t get her the best presents at Christmas and on her birthdays and she doesn’t run up to me when she sees me, but she’s the only one of my godchildren that I think I’m a good Ninang to.

Godparents, though their roles may have changed, continue to play an important part in our children’s lives, even in their absence.

Familial networks have always been important to Filipinos. I think here even more so because our families don’t consist of five or six siblings. Our friends become our extended families, and our choice in our children’s godparents is an important decision that we don’t often take lightly.

We may no longer choose them because of what they may bring to our children’s lives, but because of whom they may help them to become. We see in our friends qualities we want our children to grow up with, perhaps those we see lacking in ourselves or that we didn’t have as we were growing up. This is how we choose to shape our children’s futures, not by giving them someone who can give them a job later in life, but by providing them with role models, by choosing to have people in their lives that can encourage and support them in being the best person they can be.

Posted on 20 March 2009 by Gemma in Culture

Tagged baptism, godparents, ninang, ninong